Nov. 15th, 2014

amethyststar: (Faire 2014)
Due to circumstances beyond my control, I am in the midst of getting to ready to move next weekend. In the three months since the decision has been made, I have become so very emotional. I cry at the drop of the proverbial hat and anything can set me off.  I know for a fact the Universe has orchestrated this point in my life and I am very grateful. While the physical stuff has been difficult (not the least of which is giving up my fur baby), the catalyst has really been about my spiritual and emotional growth. At the time that all this started, I was reading (Including “Twelve Lessons), learning and meditating a lot.  I realized I needed to really go through a lifetime of “stuff” I have held on to for years and let it all go so I can make room for all the new  the Universe holds for me as I move on to this new adventure in my life. What I didn’t fathom was that in going through all the physical stuff, the emotional stuff I have held onto and buried would surface…This is what has been causing me to flounder.

I am facing all my fears, the hurts, the insecurities, all the ugly parts of me that have been exposed. The recognizing and acknowledging of the toxic feelings, ideas, and friendships that I have clung to over the years…it has been devastating and elevating! When I posted the other day about an encounter that left me emotionally wounded, I realized I did not have to keep this person (someone I had once loved and trusted, but no longer supports or lifts me up) in my life anymore…I mean, I really knew that for the first time.

The same with the physical stuff I am wading through…one example is /are my wedding pictures. I have held on to them for 12 years since the divorce. I allowed my ex (we are still friends)to stay with me for a month in May. I was so stressed while he was with me…When I realized that not only has he not changed, but has gotten worse and had no intention of doing anything to improve his life, I asked him to leave. This was huge for me! I can release him and the pictures. I wish him well, but I do not need to allow him into my life any more.

I know that everything I am going through now is necessary. As my emotional self is beginning to open up and heal, my spiritual self is growing by leaps and bounds as a result. While the shift I spoke is relative to my whole life, it is mostly in my spiritual inner life, which now manifests and is directly reflected in my outer not so mundane life.

My biggest problem at the moment is this proclivity to burst into tears and becoming incapacitated to the point I am falling behind in my cleaning and packing. I am avoiding listening to music and watching anything that may set me off.

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amethyststar

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