amethyststar: (Faire 2014)
[personal profile] amethyststar
Well, last week started with bang and ended with a whimper (and some tears).  I tripped on the way from the car to the office…2 bruised (to the bone) knees, scrapped up elbow and bruised palm. Honest to goodness, no wonder my knees are so fracked up…I’ve been a klutz since I was a kid. I have to admit, I was a little panicked, as the last time I fell similar to this fall, I found out I had cancer. It didn’t last long, reason (such as it is) asserted itself. So, I think I will be doing “Walk away the pounds” in the safety of my room in lieu of exercise walking where I can really hurt myself! *LOL* As soon as I get my car in a couple of months (Squeeeeeee!), I will find a water aerobics class…so much easier on my knees.

On a different note, accident aside…I am having a really hard time with getting/staying positive. I don’t know what to do to. I’m less and less motivated, in a lot of areas…the want is there…a wee bit of desire…but that drive, that… need… is eluding me somehow. I HATE this! It is so not how I used to be…How do I get that back?  I’m floundering here…I have tried faking it in hopes of making it…I have moments….but keeping what little true positivity I have is almost  impossible. If I didn’t know better (and I do) I’d swear I was a weird sort of bi polar….*LOL*

I’m not depressed. I’m happy at home, I enjoy work…I love my friends and family…I do know once I get my car, life will be easier in a lot of respects…it’s not a cure all….but it will help. I look forward to getting more involved in many things and I know that will add more depth and dimension to my life. In finding new adventures and meeting new people, perhaps I shall find my purpose. But I have to find my positivity and my inner sunshine again. I miss me….
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